Sometimes sporadically, sometimes diligently, I have written on the Neurotic Optimist for the past six and a half years. Our youngest child, Grace had been born a month or two prior to my first post. I was playing on the driveway with the boys and Grace was napping in her crib upstairs and I had the clunky video monitor clipped to my pants when the idea for the blog struck me.
“Neurotic” is a term I’ve used to describe myself throughout my life. A significant amount of my life has been ruled by emotions of fear and worry. And yet, I think a naturally occurring state of optimism is what allowed me to prevail, because even in the darkest moments, things ended up working out.
My children are no longer babies. All are in school. My role as “mother” is still relevant, but it’s changed. I have more time to myself again and I am redefining who I am.
I’ve decided Fear and Worry are boring. I have grown tired of defaulting to neuroticism as a knee-jerk reaction to life changes. Living in that state doesn’t do much good. So even though Fear and Worry will always be along for the voyage, they can no longer steer this ship; they’ve had their permits revoked. They get me into more trouble than it’s worth and I usually end up finding Joy is a far better captain.
I am officially closing the book on the Neurotic Optimist. I have outgrown it, along with other aspects of my life. I’m really no longer interested in living a life with the expectations of others driving my fate. I have no regrets of my life; without any of the events of my past, I couldn’t be who I am today.
And today is beautiful. Today is new and filled with endless possibilities. Thank you for faithfully reading this blog. I have plans for something new down the road. I realize my stories aren’t for everyone. But I will always write for anyone who needs messages of hope and grace and love. If it’s a message that doesn’t resonate with you for any reason, I take no offense and wish you well finding those things from other sources.
Thank you again for reading my words. Opening up about my life has brought the most beautiful people into it. Thank you for sharing your light with me.