Hey Girl,
It’s me. You know me. We go way back. I’m the one who is nestled deep in your brain. I’m the beam of light your body is holding, the true you. I’m your soul. We don’t get to talk much anymore. You’re really busy. You forget to connect with me for long periods of time.
That’s why I’m here to tell you, it’s reeeeeally important for you to stop and remember me. Because what I see is you’re about to self-destruct. I see you going day in and day out forgetting about what it was you set out to do in this world. I see you focusing on everyone else except for yourself.
You are no longer “Me” because you’re trying so hard to be everyone else. You are an extension of the people closest to you. You are hands that do all the things. Your eyes are always watching and comparing yourself to people around you or on a screen. You are trying to cram so much into your days just to prove something to everyone around you, but what’s funny is, they are all doing the same damn thing! They don’t see you, not like I do.
I know, you find yourself feeling anxious and worried about little things that will never probably happen. You often feel sad and lonely even though your phone is always chiming with text messages or phone calls. It’s not like you have a bad life! You have everything you could want; a home, running water, electricity, and people who love you. So why are you so unhappy? Why are you so unsatisfied? Now you feel guilty for feeling this way. And oh God! It just spirals, doesn’t it? Here’s the cycle:
- Recognize your faults and shortcomings.
- Compare yourself to someone else who is doing so much better than you.
- Feel disappointed that you’re not thinner/prettier/overall better.
- Resolve to get better in all the ways you think you suck.
- Become stressed out because you’re too busy.
- Stress makes you anxious.
- Anxiousness turns to isolation.
- Isolation leads to depression.
- Depression leads to self-loathing.
- Self-loathing leads to disrespecting yourself and making unhealthy choices.
- Now you go back to one.
Just stop it.
Just stop and listen to me. You forgot about me, but I’m here. I’m still here. And I love you. I love us. I was made for you. I’m just waiting for you to remember that you need to love me. You need to love your soul. I am the thing that makes you beautiful. It’s not about how thin you are. It’s not that new eyeshadow palette you spent an obscene amount of money on. It’s not even that stupid filter on Instagram that blots out that patch of zits on your chin. I AM WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL. There is no one else in this world who has me, your soul.
Look, I know you’re not perfect. You’re living in a world that is full of challenges. I know you’re going to mess up. I know you’re going to go through some hard times. That’s what I signed up for when I agreed to be your soul! But the thing is, we are still whole together. No one can touch me in here. No one’s opinions, no one’s expectations, no one else’s faults or even your own can hurt me in here.
Please, take five minutes tonight when you lie down and don’t let any of the “what ifs” or “shoulds” get into your brain. Set a timer and then don’t you dare touch that phone!
Just feel your breath. Close your eyes and thank your body for everything it got you through today.
Maybe you messed up something, but don’t think about that. Focus on your breath. Think about your blood pumping through your veins. This is your strong, beautiful body working all by itself so you don’t have to stress about that.
Think about me in here. I’ve been here since you were small. Remember all those dreams we had about what we’d do together? Find those things that made you feel joy. Be in that moment for a minute. Find that time when you felt pure love. Be in that moment for another minute. You can always come back to this, you know…
We think time is a straight line. The past is behind us, the future is in front of us. But what about this moment right here? We never stop to be right in that moment, do we? We dwell on our past and we worry about the future. But this moment is actually the only moment that matters.
So you just devoted this time to accepting yourself and loving yourself exactly as you are. How powerful is that?! What if you could choose to be right there all the time. Guess what? You can!
Your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. You don’t need to do what everyone else is doing because I am not like anyone else! Your soul is unique to you alone. And once you learn to love your soul, you can really love someone else’s. You must give yourself love and grace because until you can do that, you’ll never be able to love anyone else that way.
Now, when you open your eyes in the morning, remember this moment and carry it with you all day long. This is the state you are meant to exist in. Be self-aware and in love with me, your soul, because I love you and I always will.
The Neurotic Optimist 