Valentine’s Day weekend is officially over. In our house, it really looked like just another weekend. Friday night, Scott and I took turns going to the gym. Last night we went as a family to a one year old’s birthday party and today I went to a baby shower. Scott caught us up on laundry. It’s quite an exciting life we lead these days.
But it made me think. This is really what love looks like for most couples who have been together long enough or have young children. Love isn’t always, or even usually, this heady thing that sweeps you off your feet. In fact, I’d argue that true love is sticking it out through the mundane stuff. It’s weathering the tough times and sometimes it gets a little bruised and broken along the way. True love isn’t this immaculate, perfect thing. I don’t even think you can know that you love a person fully until you’ve gone through a few challenges together. If true love were represented by a paper valentine, it would probably have frayed edges, a few tears pieced back together with scotch tape, and lots of folds and scribbles.
Scott and I dated for less than a year and a half before we got engaged. We never lived together until our wedding day. We had no idea what we were getting into that first year. We bought a house. We got a dog. We had a miscarriage. We fought like crazy. We had to learn how to grow together, how to support each other and agree to disagree on MANY things.
Now three kids, a major career change (for me) and a second house later, I feel that even though we are still figuring out a lot of things about one another, the forecast seems pretty bright ahead. I have no regrets that Scott and I did things more the old-fashioned way. We didn’t do the practice run of living together first. And even though it probably would have been a realistic portrayal of married life, I don’t think it would have made a difference as to whether or not we’d end up together. I know in my heart, even through the many bumps in the road, Scott is in my corner and I am in his. I think it’s important to recognize that kind of love not just on February 14, but every day.
When I look at Scott, I know if we keep choosing to be in this every day (because it is a choice), what I am working toward is a “someday” where I am holding his hand, while we sit in matching rocking chairs on the front porch watching the sunset talking about our life we’ve built together. And that makes it a little easier to hold my snippy tongue and to forgive the stinging things he can say.
So here’s to all the couples living a horribly boring life and sticking with it because you know the best is yet to come. Hold that ripped up Valentine of your love close to your heart and know it’s just that much more true because of all it’s been through.
The Neurotic Optimist 